


If You Want to View Paradise, Simply Look Around and View It

by citizenjess (givehimonemore)



Category: Star Wars: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton
Genre: Crack, Flavor of the Week is Padawan Tears, M/M, Obi-Wan Got Tooked Again, Obi-Wan Made a Swear, Tentacle Sex, Xanatos is Willy Wonka, Xanatos the Ice Cream Man, Xanatos' Octopussoir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-31
Updated: 2013-08-31
Packaged: 2017-12-25 04:39:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/948724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givehimonemore/pseuds/citizenjess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Obi-Wan gets captured by Xanatos, posing as an ice cream man, again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Want to View Paradise, Simply Look Around and View It

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by ["Obi-Wan is Sick of Your Shit, Xanatos" Fanart](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/26797) by Rin/Lady-Anakin-Skywalker. 
  * Inspired by [Two Jedi and a Tentacle Monster](https://archiveofourown.org/works/728032) by [citizenjess (givehimonemore)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/givehimonemore/pseuds/citizenjess). 



> For one reason or another, our entire RP group kinda sorta ships Obi-Wan with Jerilingus, Xanatos du Crion's pet tentacle demon, who may or may not simply be Xanatos' genitals (a la that episode of Drawn Together - you know which one), and who is unequivocally in love with Obi-Wan. Jen/queenhandmaidensenator initially coined Jerry's name/nickname, and now the whole thing is ridiculous but also kind of perfect; like, my new head-canon is even that the slivilith featured in my Obi-Wan tentacle MPREG story, "Two Jedi and a Tentacle Monster," is actually just Clone Wars-era Obi-Wan/Jerry now; and then in the Dark Jedi RP 'verse, Xanatos totes his now-aging tentacle demon to Coruscant for a heartfelt reunion ... you get it. In any case, the 'joke'/implication is that Jerry's love for Obi-Wan is rather non-consensual, and Obi-Wan is but a nubile teenage Padawan besides, hence the warnings. Dedicated to Rin/lady-anakin-skywalker, both because of her amazing fanart linked to here (Xanatos kidnaps Obi-Wan a lot, okay), and also because she could use the pick-me-up right now. Title comes from the song "Pure Imagination," because Xanatos as Willy Wonka is kind of the best mental image ever, even more than Xanatos as an ice cream man.

1.

“I can’t believe you keep returning to the Temple to kidnap Padawans as a kriffing ice cream man.” Held at lightsaber-point by none-other-than Xanatos du Crion, Obi-Wan Kenobi glowers at the back of what appears to be a legitimate ice truck, complete with tell-tale jingle piping from the roof.

Behind him, Xanatos grins. “I can’t believe you keep falling for it! It’s what, the sixth time now?” Satisfied that Obi-Wan’s hands are bound tightly enough, he palms open the back door, revealing … “Hello, Jerry,” Obi-Wan sighs. Inside, Xanatos’ pet tentacle demon, Jerilingus, waggles a slim, purplish limb at him.

2.

“I don’t understand why I have to be tied up by you when Jerry’s perfectly capable of … containing me.” Obi-Wan, having acquiesced to yet another kidnapping, is nonetheless sour at the unnecessary bondage. The fact that Xanatos had used cords from various levers inside the truck only adds insult. “This is karking stupid-” Obi-Wan begins, and that’s when the fabric gets stuffed between his teeth. 

“Language,” Xanatos smiles, and cocks his head. “Almost there … perfect,” he says, and Obi-Wan whimpers unhappily at the addition of the ice cream cone to the wadded whatever-it-was. Side-by-side, Xanatos and Jerry high-five.

3\. 

It’s bad enough spending the afternoon being alternately denied sweets and sodomized by a tentacle monster (“demon,” Xanatos had corrected him tersely earlier, “don’t be rude, Obi-Wan”); now Xanatos expects him to be unpaid labor. “I’m not wearing the hat,” the teenager pouts, crossing his arms, having finally been untied and freed from Jerry’s slimy hug. “It’s stupid.” 

Bemused, Xanatos holds out the offending garment. “Jerry thinks it compliments your eyes,” he intones, and Obi-Wan watches and then feels Jerry pluck up the hat – identical to those worn by both Xanatos and Jerry - and place it atop his head. 

4.

When Qui-Gon shows up (because it’s Xanatos, he seems to get away with both kidnapping a Padawan directly from the Jedi Temple, and also selling ice cream directly on its premises), Obi-Wan has a fleeting hope that he’ll be rescued. However, his Master seems suspiciously nonplussed. “Hello, Xan,” Qui-Gon says pleasantly. “Strawberry today, sans pubes, if you’ve got it.”

“No promises.” Xanatos snaps his fingers, and Jerry begins putting together Qui-Gon’s order. “That’s the cone I had in my mouth earlier,” Obi-Wan frowns, and then Qui-Gon waves at him cheerfully through the window. “Never mind,” he sighs, and Xanatos snorts.

5.

“Well, this was a fun afternoon, Obawan.” Xanatos leers at the boy while Jerry straightens his tunics, even tweaking the position of Obi-Wan’s hat. “Jerry will miss you.”

Obi-Wan feels strangely disappointed. “Don’t I get ice cream for all the trouble? The sodomy by tentacle mons- demon?” he protests, but Xanatos shakes his head.

“No, you can’t have any ice cream. You’ll get fat, and I won’t want to molest you anymore.” Beside him, Jerry waggles a tentacle sadly. “And neither will Qui-Gon,” Xanatos adds triumphantly, watching Obi-Wan’s shoulders slump anew.

“Balls,” Obi-Wan growls, and Jerry lovingly squeezes his shoulder.


End file.
